Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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