so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize