I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
