My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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