Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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