I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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