Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
