I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
