There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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