So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
