Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
