So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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