omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
