I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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