the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
