Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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