i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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