He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
