she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
