I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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