I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
