Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
