final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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