I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
