Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You work out of a Hotel?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
