my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
