My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
