honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
