True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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