There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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