Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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