cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
