I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
