So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
