we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
