my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
