omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
