She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
