woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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