I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
