Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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