I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
