You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
