She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
