Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
