Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
