well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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