also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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