when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
