Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
