Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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