Moan for me like Helen Keller
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
