I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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