So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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