so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
