she woke up with a sticky ear
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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