Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
