I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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