I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
