God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
