Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
