What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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