i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
