I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
