it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize