My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize