what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
