He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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