I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize