Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
