Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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