I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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