So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
