I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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