we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
