when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
