so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
