Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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