She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
