i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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