just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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