I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
