Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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