cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
