I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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