Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
