Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So here I am, sexting at work.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
