So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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