u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
