hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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