Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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