I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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