Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
