My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
