highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
