I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
