I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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