take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
