It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
