I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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