He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
