Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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