i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
