At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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