So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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