Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
