just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My cat gives me a boner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize